Odd Woman Out

I’m watching reruns of one my favorite shows, Girlfriends!(I’m cheesing way too hard at the thought of them back together on Blackish this week). My favorite episode is on-when Toni gets married. In case you’ve never watched Toni was over the top with everything, obviously that would include her wedding. It took place at a Malibu mansion with a mandatory girl weekend stay at said mansion before the wedding. Joan her best friend whose main goal since the conception of the show was to get married, had a really hard time watching her bestie live out her fairytale.  Joan was jealous of her and it caused her not to support her friend like she should have. But what do you do when it seems like something or everything is working out for the people around you, but not you? We are all human after all. I have never had a Joan moment or a feeling of jealousy. I have had feelings of feeling like “The Odd Woman Out.”  I have encountered my hardest year, and this is how I have managing to get thru feeling like “The Odd Woman Out.” 

Give your friends/ family 30% of what you’re going thru: 

One of the best things you can do is be honest about what you’re going thru. When it feels like every catch-up session with my friends I only have a gloomy story to tell, I will keep things to myself and just enjoy the moment. Eventually I let my framily (family + friends) know what is going on because I can’t hide it because I may not be able drive to their birthday party, or I can’t go away for the weekend or something that will prevent me from being able to keep everything to myself. When I am honest the first feeling is relief. In those moments my loved ones lift me up, come pick up, whatever it is they think they can do to help me, they do. I don’t give them every single detail, which may cause them to worry, and be concerned and now my problem is their problem.  That adds another level of stress for me, because now I feel bad for making you feel bad LOL. I have had setbacks all year. Recently the stairs collapsed. When I say collapse I mean a gaping hole where there were 3 steps, I could now see straight to the basement. It went on for a while before I even told someone. Once my god sister actually seen the stairs she would call or text me in the mornings to make sure I didn’t fall thru and was stuck in the basement with a broken leg. LOL I never want to feel like a burden or have people subconsciously resent me. I will be honest to the point where my friends or sisters doesn’t take my absence personally, but I am not breaking out any violins.  

Stay home: 
Sometimes as harsh as this may seem I will need to just stay my ass at home. I am not missing monumental moments like birthdays, graduations, or an engagement party. From time to time I will need to miss out because my energy is off or maybe it’s simply not in my budget. The last thing I want to do is bring bad energy to girls’ night out or happy hour. I can be known as the life of the party, as a result there have been moments when I feel pressure to live up to that expectation. It can feel like it’s hard for others to accept that I am not the social butterfly, laughing, dancing, telling funny stories, so I will stay home. Furthermore, I don’t know what you’ve been thru all week, I don’t how hard it was for you to make it to this Friday with a smile. Who am I to ruin your Friday that you have been counting down to all week? Energy is real, and I am responsible for the energy I bring. Maybe my mood is not off but my funds are low. At this stage in my life I am not leaving my house without a certain amount of money or put myself in a situation where I keep checking my account balance LOL. It’s like having on a bomb outfit, but your hair isn’t done. These tough times have taught me to accept when it’s in my best interest to sit my ass down at home and live thru the FOMO, I’ll survive! 

Understand people who are not experiencing your experience will not understand: 

This is a major key! If I am complaining about my job day in and out to my bestie that lives in a two-income household she may not be able to really comprehend what I am going through. Maybe she can quit her job like Rochelle (from Everybody Hates Chris) because her husband has 2 jobs LOL. To her I am just simply continuously complaining about the same thing repeatedly. As a result, it may feel like something that’s important to me is trivial to her and that can cause negative or unsettled feelings. I must take feedback with a grain of salt because fortunately for her she has no real concept of my reality. It also can have an adverse outcome as well. I remember having conversation with one my friends that is married and lives in a two-income house. I was telling her how difficult it can be financially with one income and she began to tell me how difficult it could be with two incomes. She lifted me up with nothing but positivity like a cheerleader. I have a group of friends that are all in relationships or married which leads me to feel at times like an outcast that doesn’t fit in. The same twisted feelings I got as a child about not fitting in can creep right in. But before insecurity could break down my insides; her encouragement lifted me up and she pulled me right back into the sandbox. These are two totally different people. Know your audience. 

Be okay and real with where & you are: 
In my house my son is an only child and he always complains about it when he comes home from one of his friends’ or dad’s houses where he has siblings. My response to him is “be okay with what your reality is.” I am realizing I need to take my own advice. I wanted to go visit my friend that lives in Georgia for her birthday. I knew for a fact I was going LOL I played with numbers and dates, requested PTO and after being exhausted I admitted defeat and accepted my reality today is not what it has been in the past. This was the first time I wanted to go somewhere and couldn’t. I saw the comedian Sommore live several years back. She was hilarious her set was talking about different stages in life 20s, 30s, 40s, and 50s. I may have been just about 31 maybe 32. Obviously the 30s stood out because I was just entering my 30s and that’s what I could relate to. She went from the fun of the 20s (which I wholeheartedly participated in LOL) to the 30s that’s going to beat you up and challenge you. I laughed I had no idea what she was talking about, but she was funny, and she kept saying remember “hang in there though!” Well I am here Sommore! LOL  

Unlike Joan I have never felt jealous of my friends, but I have felt inadequate, uncomfortable, and insecure. On Girlfriends it was just a wedding and a husband. I have now experienced what it feels like to be the: single friend, the broke friend, the non-driving friend, the Mother- less friend and all at once!! My feelings have nothing to do with my family/friends but everything to do with me. My framily slathers me with an endless amount of love and support. But Sommore warned me, the beauty in this is that I know my moments of feeling like the “Odd Woman Out” is just a phase in life. Life is a process and some moments will be easier than others. God wiling I will be an old lady one day with so much knowledge to share.

“Enjoy yourself that’s what your 20s are for, Your 30s are to learn the lessons, Your 40s is to pay for the drinks.” – Carrie Bradshaw 

I’m looking forward to paying for the drinks!!! 

Thanks for stopping by! 

Wishing you no pain unless its champagne! 

-The Queen